30 Day Blogging Challenge: Days 20-22

Happy Monday Friends!

I am a bit delayed as this weekend was a bit of a busy, but self-indulgent one.   My goal was to do as little as possible until Sunday, which was my brother’s birthday.  Needless to say, that mission was totally accomplished.

Sadly, that also means I am a few days behind on my blogging….so I am combining Days 20-22 into one gigantic post to catch me up.  The topics are: how important you think education is; one of my favourite TV shows and how have you changed in the past two years.  I’ll try to keep these brief as possible.

Day 20: How Important I think Education Is

I think it is HUGELY important.  It teaches you so much more than the subject at hand. I have had these arguments with people before about how they feel their degree is useless as they are not working in their area of study…but I think they forget what going through that process to get their degree has given them.

It teaches hard work, discipline, goal setting, time management, critical thinking, team work, interpersonal skills and so much more.  I am definitely believer in life long learning and continuing to challenge yourself in your life both inside and outside of work.

Day 21: One of my favourite TV shows

I think it is safe to say that one of my favourites has really become True Blood…but it’s more than just the show (which hasn’t been overly great in a long time–though the eye candy is still pretty amazing–hello Eric and Alcide!).  The reason why I like it so much is that it is a fun, weekly event among my friends.  It brings a whole new level of enjoyment to the show and makes Sundays one of my favourite days of the week in the summer–even though it means that the weekend is over.  I also feel similar nostalgia for Dawson’s Creek for the same reason–I was the only one of my friends who had the WB and thus, everyone came over for Dawson’s Creek nights.  Such fun.

Day 22: How I have changed in the last two years

Essentially, the biggest change in me over the past two years is that I value myself, because I didn’t 2 years ago.  2 years ago I was in counseling, trying to stop emotional based binge eating (which was a huge role reversal for my intermittent issues with super restricted eating/bulimic tendencies around food during the previous year) and stop crying everyday over the fact that I felt incredibly alone given that all of my friends were with serious boyfriends, husbands, having babies, making new lives and I was left behind.  I was at a point where, if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness, it wouldn’t bother me as I had lived enough and didn’t see anything or anyone worth living for in the future.  Lame I know…but I wasn’t in a good place at the time.

Eventually, I got better.  I still have the odd bad moment, but they are becoming less and less and I feel that my experience has made me far better equipped to deal with anything the future…because if I can comeback from the dark place I was in two years ago, then I know I can truly come back from anything.

So that’s it…that’s my story…er post for days 20-22 of the blogging challenge.  Got anything to share–favourite tv shows?  Changes you’ve made in the last two years?  Your thoughts on Educations?  Let me know in the comments!

Much luv,

Leesah

30 Day Blogging Challenge–Day 5

Good Morning Y’all!

I hope you are doing well on this freezing (in Winnipeg) Friday.  I mean, seriously, I saw sun dogs (essentially an ice crystal version of a rainbow) this morning as I drove to work–that is something you see in January–not April.

But I digress…I mean, it has to get warm eventually, right?

So on to the task at hand–day 5 of the challenge….and, oy, is the topic a doozy–especially for a Friday.  Today’s topic for the blogging challenge is to talk about a time where you thought about ending your own life.

*gulp*

Not exactly what I had anticipated to write about when I got up this morning–especially for a free-wheelin’ Friday….but I will do it…but if it’s okay with you all, I will keep it brief.

The time when I felt most like ending my own life was shortly after my 30th birthday, right after my Australian friend’s wedding and just before I started this blog.  I came back to see everyone around me were in committed relationships, married, trying for or already expecting babies.  I was also dealing with an eating disorder (which I wouldn’t admit to myself that I had), horrible self-esteem and my completely dashed hopes that my new job (which was only a few months old) would be the life changer/life saver I thought it would be.

I essentially felt like I couldn’t do anything right, I wasn’t living up to my and everyone else’s (or so I imagined) expectations.  I wasn’t enough on a number of levels and the space I took up on this earth was better used by someone else.  That all being said, I could not bring myself to do anything that would take my life, but I had decided that I would be okay with getting a terminal disease as the life I had lived so far was good enough and nobody would really miss me that much.

Fast forward two years, through a bit of therapy, journaling, blogging and many tearful talks with close friends and I don’t feel that way anymore.  I still feel sad about things that aren’t exactly how I want them at times (my body weight, my job, my single status), but it’s not the same anymore–my feelings of worthlessness and wishing I wasn’t here are gone.  I know that I matter now, regardless of the weight I am, the job I hold or whether I have a husband/family.

And on that note, I’m ending this post–too deep and emotional for a Friday when I’d much rather be doing something light-hearted and fun with  friends and family.

Much luv,

Leesah