After some encouragement from a lovely fellow blogger, Ms. H at Hemborg Wife, I decided to not worry about other folks judging me and just vent the dramas that got my big girl panties all in a bunch and hope that, by airing it all, it can evaporate into the air and not be as much of a weight on my mind. If you don’t feel like reading a winey post, move along. Oh and these are in no particular order–just as they come to me.
1. Career Drama-knowing I’m not happy in current spot, but may also lose my current job through budget cuts without something else going down is frightening. It is also a super stressful and busy time at work right now, which is not fun either.
2. My single status–yes, I am bringing it up again. My last unengaged friend is now engaged and planning her big day. I am very happy for her and all of my friends who have found someone to be happy with and start a new family life together. Thing is, is that I am now the only one left of my close circle of friends who is not in a long-term relationship. They are all engaged or married or expecting kids. In fact, one of my best friends is going to give birth sometime in May. I am NOWHERE near that and it is frustrating, lonely, scary and it makes me question what is it about me that is so repulsive.
3. A friend of mine named their kid the name that, should I ever have a child, I wanted to name it. I’ve had this name under my belt since I was 21. They give me “credit” for the name, which one friend says I should be honoured about, but I was initially a bit p.o’d. I recently ran into them and they proceeded to diss the name saying it wasn’t as rare as they thought it was and it is popping up everywhere now so it isn’t as cool. I never wanted it because it was cool–I loved it because it was sentimental–the name of a little kid I played soccer with on my first trip to Ireland. I had never heard the name before, I loved it, shared it with my friend, who also really loved it…and since I didn’t have kids first, I missed out.
4. I have had a several trips planned of late. Some planned with friends (Minneapolis), some planned as side trips tacked onto a business trip to meet with out-of-town friends (Toronto and Ottawa) and some planned with family (Disney World). They have all been cancelled for one reason or another and I get it, things happen. I am not mad at anyone, I’m just disappointed because I was so excited for these trips. As a result of my bummed out status, I decided that I would plan a trip, just for me. I looked into two different trips–Paris to take baking classes or Costa Rica for a week-long surf school. Unfortunately, due to my single status, the costs of both trips is ridiculous (like $5K for a week), and so I am being a grown up and have decided that they aren’t happening either as it will put me too far from my goal for saving up for a condo/house, or with the way housing prices are going and with my unclear career future, a hovel of my very own.
5. I was sick. Not just your average cold, mind you, but sick with some weird flu that made my body hurt like you wouldn’t believe. I also couldnt’ stay awake if my life depended on it–unless of course, it was at night. It sucked enough being sick and tired, but the worst part is that is messed with my totally awesome gym routine and goal to burn off all of those baby shower cupcakes I “taste tested” the weekend prior.
6. Running injury–I have had some issues with very tight calves. I had noticed they were especially tight on saturday when I last did my amazing 10 miler in 84 minutes (hollah!). I didn’t take the time to stretch afterwards because I had to finish those crazy cupcakes and then I was plain old exhausted. Now I am dealing with plantar fasciitus (or however you spell it), which can be caused by very tight calves. It’s getting better but it still hurts every morning or after I have sat around for a while. This is also worrisome for Fargo which is only a few short weeks away.
7. Feeling flabby–when I was sick, I was essentially eating nothing but crap. Totally feel it now and I don’t like it. I felt so good just before I got sick and now, I feel flabby and out of shape with that week off and poor food choices. Boo. In fact, one night, and I hate to admit this, I ate so much and felt so uncomfortable that I purged for the first time in well over a year this past Saturday. I have not done again, but it’s such a disappointment that I let it chose to engage in that behaviour again.
So there it is in a nutshell. All of that “fit hit the shan” the fan at about the same time and it just sorta, temporarily broke me. I am now fighting back…did a 5 mile run on Tuesday, followed by some cycling and a hot yoga class. Today I am trying for 7-8 miles. I am eating super healthfully (aside from two handfuls of potato chips yesterday) and I’m just going to try to do my best to look for the happier things in the midst of the aforementioned drama…especially since most of those dramas are still going to be looming.