So today is my dad’s birthday–it really couldn’t have been more poorly timed as it was my first day of working toward my weight loss goals.

I ate healthfully all day and was even mindful of the potential calorie bombs that birthdays usually provide.  I was good, until I saw the cupcakes and I chose to have one as my treat for the last two days and then I dove into some snackies because, once I had to the cupcake, I felt like I might as well have the chips (about 1.5 to 2 servings of these surely calorie laden tostitos, whose calorie amounts are probably frightening ). lol.  It led me to feel very lethargic all night and made for a lazy version (ie basically I phoned it in) of my cross training workout (20 minutes stationary rowing, 40 minutes on the stationary bike).

I know it isn’t the end of the world, but its just interesting how all can be going well and your intentions just vanish.   The weirder part is that, for a change, I don’t feel bad exactly for the indulgence.  This was an indulgence for a special occasion (my dad’s birthday) and not a binge. I didn’t eat with abandon or until I was stuffed or uncomfortable, so I don’t think I would define it as a binge. But in retrospect, I did eat too much unhealthy food, which is clear from my resulting food coma. Did I enjoy it–yes.  Do I feel guilty–kinda, as I feel as though I should’ve had more greater strength and not given in to the junk food’s power.  Do I think it is the end of the world–no.  I think what I’m trying to figure out in this disjointed post is how exactly one develops a healthy relationship with food when they’ve had issues with it.

The old me would’ve counted every calorie and then engaged in unhealthy behaviours– I would purge, workout until each calorie was accounted for and then some, and maybe skip meals the next day to “make up” for it.   I would also be upset and probably crying as I typed out this post. The new me is still sorta figuring out this whole healthy relationship process.

Anyone else have these sorts of struggles with their relationship with food?  How did you redevelop your relationship with food?  Do you see yourself as always in recovery?  Any tips to share?  How does one lose that all or nothing view when it comes to balanced eating?  Plus, how do you do all of this and still lose weight?  If you aren’t comfortable sharing publicly, feel free to drop me an email at 30andlearning@gmail.com.

Take care everyone!

Leesah.

 

 

 

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