waaaay ouuuttt in the water…see it swimmin’

oh Black Francis…you totally are feeling me today.

In case you don’t know the lyric or man I am referring to–it’s the lead singer of punk/grunge band, The Pixies (the song is in the end credits of Fight Club).  I have been fortunate enough to see them three times live.  In fact, I was at what was billed as their first reunion show in Winnipeg back in 2004, but, alas, last-minute they added a Minneapolis show and well, I ended up attending their second reunion show…but I digress.

This is sorta how I feel right now.  All the traveling, work, horrible workouts, school, irregular eating/eating on the go…it’s all got me feeling like my mind, my everything, is way out in the water, swimmin’ away from me.

I hate feeling like this…in case you can’t tell.  I’m frustrated.  I feel like I’m not making any headway on anything and I just keep trying to catch up and make up for the things that have happened while I have been away.  I’m finding it is a hard way to live.  There is no balance.  When things fall out of balance with me bad things start happening like emotional eating, migraines, poor sleep, etc.

It came to a head when I was in Saskatoon.  I was over tired, frustrated by the crappy gym and I caved in and emotionally ate that evening and all day yesterday.  It was all healthy, minus one bite sized cupcake from a lunch at the faculty club and a small bag of baked ketchup chips I bought at the airport as everything else was closed (score one for planning ahead in the healthy eating department).   The foods that I over indulged in where Kashi cereal one measured serving and 2 Lara Bars–which is much better than cheesecake, chips, etc., I would think.

I’m not sure what to do exactly…as I approach this weekend.  I think I’m going to invite a friend over and do some heavy-duty food prep…I know that baking and cooking always make me feel better so I think that is what I am going to do.  Will this help my diet…most likely, no.  Will I binge, no…well, I hope not–I’m not feeling that awful bingey feeling.  Will it help my mental state, which will end up helping my diet…yes…so I think it’s a short-term pain for a longer term gain.

I had a dream last night about cheesecake and pizza ( I have no idea why).  So I am going to make some….which will be interesting as I have never made a cheesecake before and I have heard they can be challenging.  Plus it’s on my “List” of things to learn…so extra bonus points on that one.  I  will also make it a bit “irish” in celebration of St. Paddy’s by making it a Bailey’s flavoured cake.  The pizza recipe I use is nearly foolproof–it’s from Mark Bittman of the New York Times.  I can’t wait to prep the dough tonight.

I am also going to workout every day on the weekend.  I am going to promise myself that I will just listen to my body and go with the flow and not attempt to do any crazy goals like 10 milers unless they jsut happen.  Simply put, I just want to get in a few solid workouts with both cardio and strength.  I already have a gym date to hit the pool on Sunday morning with my friend A….which I can’t wait for.

Gosh…i feel like such a negative nelly on this blog lately.  lol.  I’m so sorry guys.  This is just an icky rough patch..and truly, I am fully aware that things can be so much worse.  I’m just depleted right now…and I think everyone feels stress more when they feel depleted.

To compensate, here is my gratitude challenge top 5–so you all don’t think I am crazy.

1. I am not injured–thus I am physically capable of workout out–thus my strong workouts will eventually come back.

2. The high today in Winnipeg is 23 degrees–which is high 60’s/low 70’s in Fahrenheit I believe. (can’t believe I spelled Fahrenheit right without spell check).

3.  I started off my day with Starbucks.

4. It is the weekend.

5. I am wearing my fab new pink dress and blue blazer. 

Happy Friday ya’ll!  Mwa!