…but I might not be one for long.  Truthfully my running future is a bit murky….well, it’s on the tiny bit clearer side of murky.

Regardless, I’m trying not to freak out.

I went to a sports medicine doctor yesterday morning.  The good news is that he has given me the OK for running my Princess Half Marathon, but I have to take it extra easy.

NOTE: To be honest, I probably still would have done the race, even if he didn’t give me the OK.  I know…bad…but it’s a bucket list item… I would’ve crawled the entire thing if it meant finishing it.

The bad news is that he thinks it’s probably that I have a lateral meniscus tear in my left knee.  $%^@!!!!

I wasn’t expecting to hear this news–I thought my issues were all IT Band related.  I’ve already had meniscus tears in both my knees and have had surgery on them when I was 17 (left knee) and 19 (right knee).   This adds an extra element of danger (for lack of a better word) to this meniscus tear situation as I may not have much meniscus left…depending on what happened at this surgery and if I was “butchered (Dr’s words, not mine),” so many years ago.   I’m hopeful that I’ve not been butchered as I had the top surgeon in Manitoba do both my knees –and now he works on professional athletes…so I am hopeful.

A post Disney Princess Half appointment is scheduled with my doctor to start the process of medical tests like MRIs, X-rays, etc so that we can assess the condition of my knees and meniscus.  I also have to take the month of March off from any high impact activities–ie running.  I have also been instructed to put my cross fit membership on hold until April at least and I have been given a hideous knee brace to “test out” (did the first test last night and it chafes my opposite leg big time) and some physiotherapy to help strengthen my legs and keep everything nice and strong for the race and for moving forward with any potential surgeries.

If the MRI’s show small outer tears, I will likely be fine and won’t need surgery, just some time off.  If they are inner/deeper tears than surgery will likely be required–which may or may not impact my running future, depending on current condition of my knee and severity of surgery required.  If there is no meniscus left, then my running days, I would assume, are over.

It’s not the surgery I’m scared of.  Surgeries for meniscus are pretty simple and not too painful.  I’m more worried about the outcome of my running career.  I love being able to define myself as a runner and hopefully a future triathlete.    I hate that, this meniscus issue is something that can’t be easily healed/fixed with time off and physio.  I hate that my running career could end at the age of 32…when I have so much time and opportunity to run and travel to run races.  I hate that I will miss out on the social aspect  and camaraderie of running (er, running races) and I also worry about gaining back all the weight that I’ve fought so hard to keep off.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off of my chest…it’s been on my mind continuously for the past 24 hours and completely ruined my sleep last night.

Much luv and thanks for listening.