G’day!

Today’s post is about disrespecting one’s parents.  I”m not really sure where to go with this as I generally wasn’t disrespectful with my parents.  I knew I had a good thing with them and was generally a happy kid who didn’t like to be a shit disturber.  Truth be told, I still don’t and I even have trouble confronting people to this day.

I did, however have a parental issue–not getting along with my mom.  In retrospect, I think it was a number of things that led to this.  Namely, her being unhappy, depressed, and a somewhat functioning alcoholic.  Things were always a competition (she once got mad at me because I had larger breasts than her–no joke), with her and though she praised me publicly, privately, was another story altogether.  I was her daughter that had a pretty face, but was too fat and got along too well with her dad.

This was a struggle for me in my childhood as I just tried hard to make my parents happy, but it wasn’t enough for her, at least.  If there were occasions when I was disrespectful, it would’ve been in her presence and most likely, provoked.

After my parents split up almost 9 years ago (I can’t believe it has been that long), our relationship went horribly down hill.  The split didn’t go very well, she stole some things from me (photographs, jewelery that my grandparents gave me for my graduation) and just generally got stranger than she had ever been…and that is saying a lot.  We ended up having a massive shouting match in my maternal grandmother’s living room, on my grandma’s birthday no less, and ended up not talking or seeing each other for years.

Two years ago, I had to see my mom again–she decided she was coming over to Christmas Dinner at my maternal grandmothers (she hadn’t showed up in years at this point).  I had what I think was my first and only panic attack in my life when I found out about one hour before driving over to my grandparents house.  It was an awkward dinner, but I managed to survive it with only a tension headache–no screaming matches.  Since then I have seen her about a handful of times, with the most recent being this last Christmas.

I don’t expect that a relationship will ever happen with my mom.  At times it bugs me and at others it doesn’t.  I do have the most amazing dad and he more than makes up for my mother.  After many years I have concluded that she did the best she could and made choices in her life that didn’t benefit her or the situation and thus hampered her ability to be a good mom.

Sorry for the bummer Friday post–but don’t worry–I’ll post a Fab Friday Five real soon!

Take care and talk soon,

Leesah

 

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